im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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