I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
