Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
