I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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