All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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