I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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