I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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