What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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