So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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