you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
