remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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