Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
