this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
