Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
