ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
