Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
