i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
