paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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