I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
