If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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