There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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