Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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