What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
