I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Brb crying the tears of my youth
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
