But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
