Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
