I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
