I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
