She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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