You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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