Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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