i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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