I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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