oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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