Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I need to calm my uterus...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
