coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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