I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
ttyl tear gas
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
