you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
