Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
