im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
