Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
