I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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