kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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