i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love you.
Bad choice
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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