She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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