I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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