If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
