Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
