hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
