True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
